Bennett the Sage : Engorged and Enraged
by lordnegromancer
Summary: Bennett the Sage loves to eat just about anything, but what will happen when a goodhearted wizard from New York makes the Sage put his foot in his mouth? It's an episode of Masterpiece Fanfic Theatre you might actually want to catch.


Bennett the Sage: Engorged and Enraged  
By: Lord Negromancer, the BLACK Otaku! :-)

Bennett the Sage was a spiteful little man, petty in his haste to judge things he did not understand. One might even call Sage an emotional coward. Sage was not funny. He relied on mocking the creative efforts of others just to make himself look normal. Like most critics, be they nostalgic or mocking, Sage had to live with the shameful repressed knowledge that the very best of his bitter "wit" was less of a contribution to the world than the most mediocre inventions he mocked. However, the subconscious will not allow the soul to hide from its own face forever. Any part of the mind that is repressed will find a way to break free in a most perverse expression of the soul's suffering. So it was that Sage one day found himself feeling inexplicably aroused as he sat down to render another droll little episode of Fanfic Theatre.

However, today was no ordinary Fanfic Theatre, for the story Sage was about to read was THIS very story. Naturally, Sage had already read this story before to himself and even mentally arranged his recitation for maximum comic effect. So, it comes as no surprise to Sage when he arrives at this early portion of the story, the portion where he knows what's coming next, and yet he attempts to make some stupid joke out of it, as though it could never really happen. He knows better- in the very least, he is tempting fate. Yet, he presses on, determined to be the idiot that he is. At this point, Sage's asshole reflexively clenches in fear, and this upsets Sage because he is not a superstitious boy, and yet he knows that his asshole clenches instinctively in anticipation of what's coming next. I hope he's ready for it. This is going to be awesome.

It's not too late. He can totally turn back now. All he has to do is stop reading. This is dangerous and he knows it. He's been warned. He has nobody to blame but himself.

Suddenly, a gigantic phantom cock materializes inside of Sage's clothing and rams Sage right through the taint! (The taint is the area between the balls and the anus.) The phantom cock severs Sage's vas deferens, slices a wound alongside the outer anus, and perforates the large intestine twice. The pain is even worse than Sage would have assumed, and Sage would have assumed generously. How does he like that? Not very much!

"This is more than even I deserve," Sage thinks aloud, "Even if I really am reading a magically cursed writing by a sorcerer of African descent, why must he put me through all of this? It's very unnecessary." Yet, Sage continues to recite this story, because it's the only way he can alleviate the pain, and besides, he's slightly thrilled at what he's got coming his way soon. Sage may shake his head, but he's secretly looking forward to it.

Sage feels a slight pinch for about half a second as a bomb magically implants itself in his heart. This bomb will go off if Sage does not finish the story in its entirety. However, the phantom penis dematerializes back into the ether from whence it came, and all of Sage's wounds instantly heal. The euphoria is overwhelming, and for a moment the sheer relief renders Sage too weak to go on. However, Sage feels his heartbeat pounding in his ears and knows that onward he must go.

Sage sadly accepts his humiliating destiny as a completely fictional Arabian terrorist whose name just happens to be Osama bin Laden (it's a more common name than you'd think) walks into the room.

"As-Salamu Alaykum," Osama offers.

Sage lifts a finger and corrects the Arab, "More like, ass alarm you're a likin'."

Sage feels somewhat debased by his knowledge of what's coming, and it is all he can do to whine, "I think you have something you're supposed to tell me. I already know, so just get on with it."

"How could you possibly know?"

"Never you mind. Just do it. Do it now. Let's get this over with. Please."

"My real name..." Osama speaks with brave exposition, "My real name is Osama bin Labiaden." Osama drops his pants to reveal his secret weakness: A vagina!

"It's true," quiveringly confesses Osama between sobs, "When my father realized that his little baby girl was the greatest living master of Islam, he started giving me hormone shots so I would grow this rugged beard and these deep, manly features. Only in this way could I ever lead Islamic Jihad."

"That's counter-factual!" demands Sage, "You're not the leader of Islamic Jihad, you're the leader of Al Qaeda! In fact, there is some discussion that you might only be one leader among many, and your leadership might not even be official."

"Oh, that's what I want them all to think," spits Obama with a grin and a wink, "But I serve Jihad, and it makes my cunt stink," concludes Osama, pointing to meat that is pink.

"That," declares Sage, "is the hottest damn thing I've heard heard in my life. Get over here!" Having thus spoken, Sage springs up, runs off camera, and pounds Osama's pussy until the gripping sheath of Osama's clammy pussy is worn out into a slimy, smooth tube of no sensation. Sage cums, cleans up a little, and sits back down in the chair, camera still rolling.

"Oh, Obama," blissfully coos the Sage.

"It's OSAMA, you jerk," yells Osama as he escapes back across the Pakistani border.

Sage shakes his head and retorts, "Same thing."

So it was that Bennett the Sage at long last lost his wings and learned to fly... emotionally.

THE END

PS- The bomb goes away now. Sage is done.


End file.
